Saturday morning, MSU vs Indiana later today, moving left to right on my radio dial with George Blaha and the “team.” This morning, I’m working on BUCKLAR DYSTROPHY, the tenth Woods Cop story, and the whole focus on Grady Service and one very strange deer season where he runs into a series of people who are crazed by shooting big deer, most illegally. Hornophiles, if you will. In the thirties here, rain predicted, gray overcast, leaves coming off trees, perfect fall day.
Will start the story off with a little deerggerel (think doggerel), and it organize it into five acts (rather than three parts) , a sop to my good pal Willy Boy Shakespeare, who is rumored (never proven) to have poached at least one deer in his spectacular life. I suspect he would have enjoyed these hinky-kinky extremist out-there outdoor folks.
Anthem of Secret Trophy Hunters
To tell a story such as this
Think how snakeys twist and hiss.
One must not shed a single deer
To shoot oneself a great big deer.
Do not be so namby pamby
And let yourself think of Bambi.
Count the point, inches and all
Your taxidermist can fix it for your wall.
Knocking own huge horned rack things
Need not be so very taxing.
Learn to hunt smarter with your brains
Not harder with your boots in snow and rain.
Get out there in the dark with a nice big light
Pretend you’re Army tough, and “own the night.”
Hope the game warden’s not around
When your trophy crashes to the ground.
Yes you’ve got a wall of mounts
They make animal lovers very and pout.
Tell them killing deer is in your blood,
Your dad’s, your uncle Frank’s and your best friend Bud.
He who kills the most big bucks
Can tell his pals that they all suck.
Hunting trophies is your LIFE,
It’s cost you a house, 3 kids, 2 dogs and a wife.
Best of all in the order of things
You do it alone, neither whisper nor sing.
You kill in the dark and all alone
And keep the work to yourself at home
The bottom line’s not bragging rights
Over that Let amateurs puff an fight.
For you bringing home those huge old deer
Is much, much better than a shot and a beer.